Archive for » April, 2010 «


I enjoyed a lovely conversation with my two children a couple of days ago. It was a sunny Sunday late afternoon. We were returning from an outing to a local kid’s park and petting zoo. I heard them sitting in the backseat of my SUV discussing with each other plans to spoil me on the upcoming Mothers’ Day.

“Uh, I want to buy Mom her favorite milk tea from Fantasia.”

Then another small voice, “Then I am going to buy her Peet’s coffee!”

The smile on my face broke into a chuckle when I heard their much dreaded stinky tofu make the list of special plans.

“Forbes Mill! We can buy her steaks at Forbes Mill.”

What great kids, not just any steak, they even remember the name of my favorite steakhouse. That’s when I chimed in on their conversation from the driver’s seat, “Forbes Mill would be too expensive for you; perhaps you can suggest it to your Dad.”

“Well, what else would you like on Mother’s day?” my nine-year-old asked.

“Hugs and kisses, I would like LOTS of those on Mother’s day.” I said quickly.

“oh, you can have lots of hugs and kisses! They are free!” my baby leaned forward and said happily.

“True, that’s why there is a saying that the best things in life are often free.” I said.

On second thought, I added, “actually, your hugs and kisses might be free, but you are not, in fact, you two cost a lot of money.”

To that, my nine-year-old exclaimed, “We ARE free! Just the things that we require are not…”

Fried Stinky Tofu

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I had the good fortune of being in Maui over Spring Break. We went hiking in a lush rainforest valley during a tropical storm. A little rain bothers no one in Hawaii. Then the rain came down pretty hard, and we had had enough. As we were rushing to get back to our car, a HUGE snail was slowly crossing our walking path. We had never seen snails this big before. We quickly gathered around it to give it a good stare. And that’s when my mind wondered off…and I was presented with visions of one of my favorite appetizers, no, not the usual six little ones, my vision was of a big fat naked snail completely submerged in a bowl of butter, garlic, and herb mixture…

I snapped out of it, when someone said to take a picture. I marveled how sometimes my mind can just leave me, and come up with something so gross by itself.

After a lasting memory of this snail is captured with the help of my camera, we made it to our car. As I shut the car door and proceeded to dry off with a beach towel, I heard a squeal of an almost muted scream…I looked up, and saw that the snail is inside of our car! Grandpa Mark had the snail by its shell in his hand, and started to introduce it as a great pet for my kids. The kids laughed, but were unimpressed with its prospect as a pet.

I was relieved when the snail was escorted out of our car. Just imagine… a snail for a pet, what if my mind escaped me again, and I ate the kids’ new pet! That would be awful.

Huge Snail

The biggest snail ever!

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“Time for dinner!” I called out to the kids.

My 5 and 8 year olds both came running, and sat down at their usual places. After taking a big gulp of milk, the 8 year old immediately noticed that something was not quite usual about their dinner. Then came, “ Where are the little yellow tomatoes?”

I replied: “They weren’t on sale today. So I didn’t buy them — too expensive.”

8 year old: “How much?”

“$5.99 for a small box of them,” I answered.

8 year old, “Oh”

I quickly added, “So I bought the little red tomatoes instead. They were only $2.99 per box, and the box is almost twice the size as the yellow ones.”

8 year old, “Oh”

Not giving up on this teachable moment easily, I added again: “when you buy things, you have to look at the prices, and make smart decisions. I really wanted the yellow tomatoes, but only if they cost just a little more than red. When the price difference is very big, then the red ones will do. They taste pretty much the same, just look different.”

8 year old says nothing.

I have more to add: “Money does not grow on trees, you know.”

8 year old: “Actually, it does.”

I look dumbfounded at this child.

8 year old, “Money is made out of paper, and you said paper is made from trees.”

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Category: Humor, Kids, Parents  3 Comments

Over the weekend, my friend and I took the kids to an outing at a nearby Amusement park. We were both enjoying sitting under some shade, sipping something cold while watching our 4 kids busy doing kids stuff.

“Hey, I want to ask you something,” my friend turned and said to me.


“Do you look through your kids’ emails?” she asked.

“Absolutely!” I said. Well, only my 8 year old has an email account. The 5 year old can’t write.

“You do?! Isn’t that snooping?” She really turned and looked at me.

“They are eight! We have to know who they are emailing with, and what they are emailing about. For their own protection.” I defended my position soundly.

My friend took sometime, and seemed to be reflecting on what I just said.

“So, what do these kids write about?” she whispered to me.

“Harmless non-sense.”

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Category: Kids, Parents  One Comment

I wish all the news people had waited until April 1st to announce their BIG news that “Ricky Martin is Gay!”…So, all of us can sit in front of our monitors and think to ourselves, “OMG! This pretty and dancy man is straight!!!!!”.

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