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Last week I had the best week ever! All thanks to a wacky idea I dreamed up the week before.
Two weeks ago:
“I really miss when you guys were little! Living with teens is not nearly as fun.” me.
“Because we are not as cute as before?” the baby.
When they were still cute
“That is true! But it is not even that. You guys act all moody on me for no reason at all. ALL the time!” me, and continued with an angry passion, “you take your anger out on me, and I didn’t even do anything to you!! I don’t even know why you are mad!!!”
“Like what?” said my 15 year-old, with an air of being falsely accused.
“Exactly! I have no idea WHAT. You gave me the silent treatment when you are mad, and won’t tell me what is bothering you.” me.
“I do NOT!” teen.
“You do too.” the baby beat me to it.
“And you!” I pointed at the baby, “you are not even thirteen yet, you are already giving me teen attitude.”
“Like what?” said the 12 year-old, look innocent.
“You make ugly noises, and grunt at me for no season when you are in a bad mood.” me.
“I don’t do that!” the baby.
“Yeah you do!” 15 year-old shot right back at the little one.
“I don’t deserve any of this. And I am quite bored with your moodiness.” me.
“What do you mean bored?” teen.
“You guys are in bad moods a lot, so it is always the same every week. The same silent treatment, and the hollering.” me.
Then an idea popped into my head…
“Hey, how about we mix it up a little? If you guys want to use me as a punching bag, at least make it interesting for me.” me.
“Like how?” the kids.
“Next week, when you are mad,” pointed at the baby, “ you give me the silent treatment for a change.”
“And when you are mad,” pointed at the 15 year-old, “You holler and grunt for a change”
The kids exchanged a look with one another, and said, “Okay.”
One week ago:
When baby got mad, I reminded her of the silent treatment, then I went on like this:
1) No, no, too angry. You are to give the aura of anger, without displaying too much anger on your face.
2) No, no, not pouting. Pouting looks like you are just trying to have your way. It is not proper silent treatment. Flatten out those lips.
3) No, no, never direct eye contact with me. Direct eye contact looks like you are angry at me. Silent treatment is very vague. I just know that you are unhappy, but I am not sure why or with whom. Then I try to think really hard, and go crazy.
4) No, no, that is just not it. You go to your sister, and practice with her. She is really good at silent treatment.
5) No, no. Angrier. Angrier!!!
When the official teenager got mad, then I went on like this:
1) No, no, that just sound constipated.
2) No, okay, you don’t sound constipated anymore. You sound like you are succeeding at pooping.
3) No, not that kind of grunt. You sound like you’re in pain. We don’t want pain here, we want anger.
4) Louder!! It needs to sound more like a howler monkey. A very angry howler monkey!Hollering and showing off big sharp teeth!!!
5) No, no, the corners of your mouth are curving up. There can be no smiling here.
The kids failed miserably with their cross anger display. They quit trying, and were nice and pleasant with me for the rest of the week.
This week:
The kids came up to me, “Mom, this week, we decided that you and dad should switch roles.”
I considered it for a brief second.
“He can’t play me! I make all the food. Your dad can’t cook. He only knows how to use the microwave.” me.
“That’s okay. He can buy food.” the teen.
“He has very little to say. He can’t make talk to you guys all day, and for a whole week!” me.
“And you have to be quiet all week.” teen.
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