Archive for » January, 2014 «

Band-aids for the face!!

“HAAaa, ha, ha….you look CRAZY, cuckoo!” me, holding on to my stomach, and can’t stop laughing.

We were at a Chinese New Year fair down in Los Angeles, and my father visited a booth that turned old people into loonies.

“Okay. Why do you let these people put these ridiculous looking Band-aids all over your face?” I finally calmed down a bit so I could post this question to my dad.

“They will make my eyes see better!” my father said with his eyes popping wildly.

“Better than 20 20 vision?!” me.

“No. I have Cataract in my eye. These stickers will make the blurry vision go away.” dad.

“How do you know they will work?” me.

“Because these people advertise these circle Band-aides EVERYWHERE!” dad.

“That doesn’t mean it works!” me, continue laughing.

“Too bad it is so expensive. They want $40 for 2 week supply! If they were cheap, I will definitely buy them” dad.

“I think I would prefer blurry vision over walking around with Band-aides all over my face.” me

“No, you only have to wear them for 2 months. Then you are all good.” dad.

I took another good look at him, and laughed more.

“$160 dollars…just for wearing these crazy looking band-aides for 2 months, and you will be cured of Cataract!” me, shouting on the street, “Look, if you could find just one person who needs Cataract surgery, and after 2 months wearing these things, his eye doctor declare him free of Cataract, and no longer need the surgery, then I will pay for these stickers for you.”

“You are almost 80 years old, why are you still so gullible!” me.

“I think it is working.” dad.

“Why?!” me.

“I feel this tinkling around my eyes already” dad.

I looked at my father, and began to feel uneasy about my genetic inheritance.

My mind flashed back to a fancy cosmetic store, where the friendly sales clerk had me try an ultra expensive anti-wrinkle eye care cream. I distinctively remembered how I affirmed that the cream had indeed caused the expected tinkling sensation around my eye. Or the other times, when I walked around the house wearing my facial mask that persistently startled my poor husband and children.

I had spent thousands of dollars on these products to combat lines that creep up on my face, and undoubtedly are on the hook to spend thousands more. Yet, I am keenly aware that the lines have held their positions, and even slowly gaining grounds.

So, I said to my father, “Dad, I will buy these circle band-aides for your eyes. At least we know of one solid benefit of them.”

“What’s that?” dad.

“Non-stop laughter for me.” me, still laughing.

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“Hey, how are you?” I greeted our favorite waitress at a local Chinese restaurant that we frequent.

“Oh, not so good. I have been worrying over my daughter these days.” she lamented.

I remembered that she has a daughter about my 13-year-old’s age.

“Why? What’s going on with her?” me, anticipating typical teenage issues.

“Her study. My daughter’s English is not so good, she has trouble with comprehension.” waitress.

“Oh. So, she is struggling with English.” me.

“No. SAT.” waitress.

“S.A.T??” me, with a blank look on my face.

“Yes, SAT. The big test for college. I bought her a big book to help her study for it.” waitress.

“Your kid is in high school already?” me.

“No, 8th grade. Same as your older one.” waitress, pointing to my 13-year-old.

“What do you make her study the SAT for?? They don’t start taking that test until their junior or senior year in high school.” me, “Of course she is not ready for the SAT. She is in middle school. SAT is like 3 years away.

“Her English is not good. I want to give her a head start…” waitress.

Before I could lecture her further on her obvious faulty mothering skills, she got called away to another table.

So, I turned my energy onto my family.

“Can you believe this? She makes her 13-year-old practice SAT 3 years too early, then she worries herself over it!” me, “and she’s putting unreasonable stress on the poor kid.”

“You kids are lucky that I don’t cause you stress like that.” me, feeling self-righteous.

My 13-year-old gave me that eye roll.

“WHAT?!” me. “I don’t give you kids stress.” I insisted on my behalf.

“Yes you do!” 13-year-old.

“Okay. But not too often.” me.

Eye roll…

“Once a week or two, maybe?” me.

Kids looked at me with their death stare.

“2 or 3 times a week?” me.

Hubby chimed in, “You don’t give them unreasonable stress, you give our kids reasonable stress.”

“Yes! Some stress is necessary in life. It is my job to teach you kids how to handle stress.” me.

Finally, I had to know, “Just how often do I cause you stress?”


“Every other day?…. every day?” me, prompting for an answer.

“Mom, there are many seconds in the day where you aren’t giving us stress.” 10-year-old piped in.

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Category: Humor, Kids, Parents  One Comment

I was in my early twenties the first time I cooked a live lobster. It was a total disaster.

That experience left a poor lobster badly dismembered, a kitchen that smelled like the seafood area of an Asian grocery store for days, and left me completely traumatized. DO NOT attempt to hack a live and stubborn lobster to pieces in your own kitchen!!

It was well over ten years before I tried my hand at cooking live lobsters again. Now that I am much smarter and a seasoned cook, I can eat lobsters at home with a snap of my fingers, like a genie.

Oven roasted lobster

It is very easy to cook lobsters. I promise, just follow these 7 simple steps.

1. Fill a large pot with water, drop a couple of slices of ginger in it, and bring it to a boil.

2. Drop the lobster into the boiling water head first, and do not bother to cut off the rubber bands that tie the big claws. (Make sure you do not put too much water in the pot, that overfills when you drop the lobster into water)

3. Boil for 2 minutes, then take the lobster out.

A-ha! That did the trick. Kill the heavy armored sea beast first! The first time I took the steaming, pink, and dead lobster out of the pot, I felt like a triumphant merciful lioness.

4. Use kitchen scissors or a strong knife to cut the lobster into halves lengthwise. Wrap the big claws with a paper towel, and break the big claws in several places with the back of a knife.

5. Place the lobster into a roast pan.

6. Season the lobster with a squeeze of lime, salt and pepper, finely chopped cilantro, and spread pieces of butter on top of the lobster meat.

7. Put into the oven at 450 degrees for 12 minutes.


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Category: Parents  2 Comments