I don’t know about you. But I hate making a call to any big corporation’s 1-800-Customer Service line. They all seem to have this exceptional ability to suck out any positive energy I have, leaving me livid by the end of the call, and ruining the rest of my day.

I had to call Capital One, my VISA card company this morning. I had no reason to sweat this call. I had a very simple request. A request they have been known to enjoy performing. I wanted a new VISA card.

I cheerfully dialed the 800 number on the back of my card. First, their machine picked up and played a series of phone maze with me. I played along nicely and correctly, and was rewarded with a member of my own species on the other line.

I answered all of Tracy’s security questions, and got to state the reason for my call.

“My family will be traveling to Europe this summer. I found out that many of the businesses there can only process credit cards with smart chips on them. So, I need to get this card replaced with a new one with smart chip.” me.

Smart Chip Credit Card for travel aboard

See! An easy call. I happily interrupted, “ All my other credit cards and ATM cards have been recently replaced with smart chip ones. This is the only card I have left without it.”

Tracy, “Yes, yours will be coming in the mail soon. Any time between now until the end of this year.”

“But I need to use the new smart chip card this summer. So, I need you to send me this new card now.” me, still happy.

“Oh, I am sorry. I can’t just send these cards to you. It is all been processed by a system, and I can only tell you that you will received yours before the end of the year.” Tracy stated in that deliberate even paced polite tone that I have come to dread.

I think that deliberate polite tone in a live person is not better than speaking with a robot. I was against having my day ruined by Tracy, so I asked to speak with a supervisor.

Brian came to the line after a few minutes and identified himself as the supervisor. He stated the same message as Tracy about smart chip cards.

“You are seriously telling me that you can not send me new cards?!!” me, in total disbelief, and no longer happy.

What kind of twisted company is this…

This is one of the companies that have been terrorizing my mailbox and spam folder almost daily with new credit card offerings. Now, I personally call them to send me one, and they refuse!

“I can send replacement new cards, but the smart chipped ones are done by our system.” Brian.

“…” I was speechless.

“If your new card doesn’t arrive in time, you can still take this card to Europe. VISA and Mastercard have contracts with the merchants to honor the old cards until the end of the year.” Brian.

“That is not true. I have tried to purchase train tickets with local operators in Europe with this card, and I have already been declined multiple times. This is why I called you.” me.

I learned from a travel forum that many European merchant processors can only process credit cards with smart chips.

“That is against VISA rules. When this happens on your trip, you can write down these business names, and report them to VISA when you come home.” Brian.

“That does not help me. When I take VISA on a vacation, I just want to use it to pay for things. I don’t want to go to Europe to write down all the businesses that are in violation of some rules, and report them.” me.

“Okay, I understand.” Brian.

SIGH…

“I always thought that you are in the business to send people your credit cards. Just tell me why you can not send me my smart chipped card now, because you are about to send me anyway.” me.

“Well…” Brian, then finally, “We have millions of customers. So, I can’t just pull you out of the line.”

Ha, ha, ha… I had to laugh.

I always felt insignificant when dialing these 800 numbers. I was thrilled to finally have my feelings validated.

“Okay Brian. I don’t have millions of cards, but I do have 8 other credit cards (already with smart chips). I will just take one of my other cards on the trip.” me.

“Thank you for your help today.” I tapped the end call icon.

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Mother’s Day Madness

There is an unpleasant place called “Mùdì (Mùdì=墓地=burial plot)” in Chinese, best pronounced as “Moo” by the likes of my 80 year-old father, and best heard as “Mall” by the likes of his 75 year-old Chinese friend visiting from New Zealand.

Auntie Tan had been a special visitor. She is not only the widower of my father’s best friend from China, she was also our neighbor when we lived in China over 30 years ago. Her second son was my classmate, and her daughter was my sister’s best friend in grade school. We go a long, long way back.

Auntie Tan lives in New Zealand with her daughter, and was here on a solo trip to fulfill her long cherished dream of seeing America.

Last Friday, I took a day off of work, and took Auntie Tan and my father to Monterey Bay for a day trip.

We had sat down in a fancy sea-view restaurant for lunch when my father left us briefly for the men’s room.

Our Sea-View restaurant.

“Ah! Only TOO interesting.” Auntie Tan, and proceeded to tell me about a most fascinating misadventure with my father.

A true story told by Auntie Tan – The conversation was all in Chinese, with the exception of a few English words, such as “Mall”.

I was telling your father how after living in New Zealand for 12 years, I really consider New Zealand home now, and have decided to be buried in New Zealand after I die.

A few minutes later…

Your father said to me, “We have Moo here. My Moo is the world’s 5th largest!!”

I told your father, “I didn’t know you have the world’s 5th largest Mall here. My daughter didn’t tell me.”

Your dad said, “Your daughter wouldn’t know that!”

And then, he asked, “Do you want to go see it?!”

“Yes! I want to go see the big Mall.”

So, we got in the car to go see the Mall.

Along the way, I said, “Why is it that on the way to such big Mall, there are hardly any cars or people among us?”

Your father explained, “Today is not any holiday, you will see very few people there.”

I thought to myself, even in New Zealand, we always have people at the Mall.

Then an open lawn with beautiful huge garden came into view directly ahead.

I grew even more puzzled. “Shouldn’t there be tall buildings at the Mall.”

Your dad said, “Why would Moo have buildings?!! We don’t bury our dead people in the buildings, we bury them under the earth.”

Your dad gave me a tour of his American cemetery.

Ha, ha, ha, only someone like my father would think it fit to give his old friend a tour of his future eternal home.

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